Sitting in my husband's chair in the early morning, I look back at life and wonder how I landed in this season. I reflect on Jeremiah 29:11-14 and feel as if I'm living these words.
We work so hard to build a life so that in latter years we can relax and enjoy the rewards of our labor. We envision days with children and grandchildren and swapping memories with friends.
And yet sometimes in the mind of the one whom we trusted so much, is another plan, a different ending to this story.
In marriage breakdown, hope and trust is shattered and we’re left, trying to find a new footing in life, and some times not wanting to live at all.
Divorce can leave one wondering what was truth and what was lies - what thoughts were passing through a partner's mind while you were dreaming of the future together.
It’s not just the loss and alteration of one relationship but many - family, friends, work and ministry. Some relationships lost forever and so this adds to the abandonment experienced through the loss of marriage.
And even with God there is a difference, a greater awareness of our vulnerability, and that I have failed in a precious covenant.
The question emerges, “Can I really trust Him with my life? If this can happen, what more is allowed?"
We can dream and plan and set goals. We can call them God’s dreams and believe that our plans are the will of God. Ultimately though we have little control.
God sifts our lives while we sulk and wrestle our way through. Ultimately is the realization that God's "thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." (Isaiah 55:8)
How much are we trying to wrestle God to suit our plans rather than asking Him His plan?